I’ve been happy for a few weeks now. Even when I didn’t have a job lined up, therefore no source of income guaranteed, I was still happy.
I found out on 5 minutes past 5pm on the day I was due to finish the job, that my contract was being renewed, because, for the month after I was told I was no longer wanted, I still showed up with a smile, did my work, plus more and did a damn fantastic job at that.
The last minute thing wasn’t good for my immune system, but it all worked out in the end…
Why was I happy? I’d been told the same things by many people, over and over. But this time I feel different. Like i meant something. My heart and shoulders feel lighter. I feel like when I smile, I mean it, it’s not a mask.
This newfound happiness/ inner peace/ whatever, is great. I can deal with anything. I’m dealing with his shit, and I am calling him out on him being a shit. And he doesn’t like it. So much so that he halted our arrangement. He didn’t consult me, as he has never consulted me on anything. But I am strong enough to stick with it, I hope.
He really isn’t as nice as he thinks he is. I still feel sadness. But not directed at me. That is a change for the better. I know it’s not my fault he is the way he is. He is this way because he chooses to be.
But my floaty heart still wishes his heart would realise that it’s me that is what it wants. My life would be sublime were that to happen. But I do not deserve his bullshit. I shall find someone whose intellect betters his. Whose humour is much more in synch with mine than his could ever be.