Red Eyes and Tears

And not much has changed…

I am gainfully employed, but that’s soon to end. Because of the Depression and spaced out 3 weeks while changing medication. The ex is still around. Because I let him. He wants to be friends. I want more. There’s still attraction there from both sides, but we can’t be together because he says so. Because he is the stronger one, everything goes his way.

And I am just the puppet.

But the real me, the one who knows how much he’s destroying me is in there somewhere. She fights back, but not enough to get him away.

I want to be the one in control, but the anxiety still is. It’s lost me many friends. Not acquaintences, but FRIENDS. But I don’t even care that most of those think I am a nutcase.

But for him.

And I hate him for it, but hate me more.

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